4 Billion People Commit Suicide

4 Billion People Commit Suicide and Other, Better Ideas on Saving The Earth.


Most people seem to think that we’re pretty fucked from the carbon dioxide in the ozone and that all of the polar bears are going to drown and that South Beach in Miami is going to be underwater soon.

I think we can all agree that this is a bad thing except for maybe clearing out a few douchebags.

In order to solve the problem, everybody wants to look at things like the turning all of our buildings waterless and making all cars electric. While progress here is good, to me this feels like we are trying to go to the gym on January 1st. Or as doctors like to say- we are treating a symptoms instead of a root cause.

To me the root cause of climate change and impending doom is not that we are carbon-inefficient, but that we have too many fucking people on planet earth.

It’s been this way for over 50 years and nobody wants to address it.

We get fired up about talking about green technology but appalled when talking about boring things like the one child act in China.

Increased population density leads to a compounding effect on the environment. It’s for of like the National Debt. At a certain point, each additional pound of carbon in the atmosphere or is more damage than the first pound of carbon in the air.

So we don’t necessarily have inefficiency problem, we have a compounding population problem.

In fact, if we limited our population to say, 1 Billion instead of 8 Billion, we could probably run our cars on good ole-fashioned gasoline until a time when the sun explodes or when aliens take over the earth. This is because the compound effect at this level is much lower and the earth can turnover this carbon naturally at these levels (in theory with 8x less people we would also have 8x more trees).

So again, the problem isn’t that humans are inefficient on the energy side, the problem is that we have too many people.

Humans are the most narcissistic species to ever rule the planet. We enslave billions of other animals unfairly, we have altered sense of happiness and a sense of entitlement that is getting worse from social media. We DESERVE to look beautiful and live to 200 years and be special little snowflakes into eternity.

We also have destructive addictions that are along for the compound effect ride: meat, sugar, electricity, connectivity, consumerism.

In the past, nature had its own system for keeping balance by creating things like cancer and allowing people to pop wheelies on their motorcycles without helmets on. Now due to improvements in medical science we are actually going live much much longer on top of all of our polluting habits. While on the surface saving grandma for another 10 years seems virtuistic, as a society this helps nothing.

Now the point of all of this is to point out a few facts and also to perhaps propose a solutions.

Solution #1

involves virtually no improvements in technology and is guaranteed to work. 4 Billion people need to commit suicide together. That’s eenie meenie minie mo….you have a a 50-50 shot of making it through this round alive. The propoganda would be incredible, including posters that say “Save the Planet- Kill Yourself.”

Solution #2

The standard rate of 2.2 children per couple is needed to maintain earth’s current population. That extra .2 is for unforeseen causes of early death. This solution involves gradually decreasing population through the 1 child act. Each couple can only produce 1 child in their lifetime. If the child dies before the age of (lets say 25), then the couple can have another child until they get one to survive longer.

Each generation that holds the line on this measure will half the population on earth. So we go from 8 to 4 Billion in the first generation, and 4 to 2 Billion in the second generation. Hell, let’s give it 100 years and 3 generations and we’re back to 1 Billion people.

This is a something that can still lead to a joyous family life if we take the nostalgia of uncle Jimbo’s 15-person family cookouts out of it. In fact, I would say there can be quite joy knowing the entire planet is working together to tackle this problem that involves very little negative emotion. An upside to all of it is, we can spoil these single children to their hearts content and even let them splurge on all of their aforementioned addictions to meat, social media, etc.

But let’s get real, we need to curb population growth but virtually nobody is going to volunteer to it. So we need to create incentives for couples.

Now I’m no economist and am probably going to get slammed for this, but from the first generation to signup for the 1 child incentive, we are going to have a surplus of taxes (2 people’s social security going towards the benefit of 1 person in the future). There is also going to be less spending needed when there are less people who need the bus and train and highways.

Thinking as a marketer, you need to make an offer to people to have only 1 child so they can take advantage of this surplus in taxes.

Honestly- have all the children you want!! That's cool, but I want you to see what’s in store for little Timmy if you choose to have just 1 Timmy.

One idea might be- this single child gets $200k in startup money for an entrepreneurial endeavor when they hit the age of 25.

Here’s the math (beat me down later, this math is not going to work straight up but just think about it on a macro level). Let’s say you work 40 years at an average of $50,000 USD per year. At a 40% tax rate thats $800,000 in taxes created. Since we are cutting half the population away by only allowing one child to be birthed, we are going to have a huge surplus of taxes because only half of the people need the benefit. We can use half of the $400k (200k) to pay down debt and to repair our roads, bridges and airports (and maybe make some realllllllllly nice public toilets and water fountains).

Then we create a $100k funds that are given to each single child for entrepreneurial ventures.

The child gets $200,000 if 75% of the endeavors qualify for cleaning up the planet. You can use this to hire people to pickup trash or whatever you want. Take an excursion to go plant trees in the Amazon.

Reminder, there is a sense of urgency to get this one-child thing pushed through, we only have one shot and we need to make a really compelling offer for people to only have one child. So let’s talk up how clean our cities will be and how advanced the tech will be and how entrepreneurial everyone will be.

Incremental Advancement #1.

While we are solving the population problem, there is no reason that we can’t continue to be more efficient in our use of meat, electricity and transportation.

The cattle industry is one of the worst contributors to greenhouse gasses through (literally) cow corpses emitting methane gasses, farting and the grain and transportation needing to move billions of pounds off flesh around the country. We need to produce meat that does not omit hazardous methane, which is 23 times more toxic than Carbon monoxide from cars.



Enter lab grown meat. Created by stem cells it is biologically and nutritionally the same as traditional meat.

Eating lab grown meat solves multiple issues. There is no methane released from rotting corpses. There is no additional transportation pollution from lugging around billions of pounds of corpses. The meat can be designed to have optimal vitamin content and much healthier.

And one more benefit- We don't need to enslave and slaughter 10 billion mammals per year………that might spread some good karma, eh?

Incremental Advancement #2.
As for pollution and trash and other species close to being wiped- that shit will eventually get cleaned up as we have less people and our technology gets better. And lastly, everyone starts practicing gratitude and becomes buddhist and meditates. You get 100% of your 200k child incentive if you use the money towards cleanup projects.

Fast forward 50 years and we have 87.5% less people, each omitting 30% less carbon. 15% eliminated due to zero methane omissions from the cattle industry, 15% eliminated from less overall traffic with increased car efficiency.

The carbon savings from electricity (homes, buildings) and industry (factory smog and whatnot) is already offset by a reduced population and for the purpose of this calculation, does not need to apply.

12.5% (leftover population) * .70 (updated carbon factor) = 90.08% reduction in greenhouse gasses.

Look around and will the earth be any less noticeable there are less people? Perhaps, but there will be less traffic and so you will see your loved ones more often. And then perhaps there won’t be any less traffic nor might you notice any difference. More people live in cities now than ever before in human history. If we wanted to keep our urban trends- I imagine that cities would start to consolidate together. We would keep the NYC’s and Tokyo’s, and perhaps people would leave St. Louis and Adelaide. Staying in these ghost cities might actually create a really fun- artsy hipster vibe (sign me up).

You will still be connected to 1 Billion people that you never knew before anyway. How many people did you need before that you didn’t know anyway? There will still be the same amount of celebrities, etc. You wont miss anything because we are so connected. It should also be a goal to get any remaining unconnected people onto the internet so we can help solve the remaining problems together.

Now that population growth is curbed, now we have an opportunity to focus on the relationships that matter vs. trying to maximize our followers. We’re more concerned with our legacies versus sheer numbers. And with a massive 200k tax credit for entrepreneurship, we all individually have the firepower to do something incredible, outlandish and risky.

Now let's look at the political spectrum. We will need all nations to come together on this so from a macro perspective, this is a very Liberal concept. But at the same time, we are being incredibly conservative by creating a world with less waste. Less people, less suffering, perhaps better home values. Less spending on shit that doesn’t matter.

Nations may have to go by the wayside but this will probably be a good thing because if you look at growing economies like Vietnam and Colombia, there is a trend in individuality, entrepreneurship and capitalism. Everybody in places like this wants to be a star now thanks to social media. And with this plan we are encouraging individuality, problem solving and connectivity. It allows the changing psych of the planet’s poorer countries to flourish.

If we are all to come together we can still have the World Cup but it will probably be "german heredity vs. native american heredity" and we do genetic testing to see who goes onto which team. So, we don't have Nations per se rather Cliques based on heredity. Hell we can even call them new age connected tribes if you like.

My outlook on the future of earth is one of dopeness. Imagine this scenario:

We are all living to 150 and living cooler, more entrepreneurial lives. We clean up our emissions and trash and stop enslaving billions of other mammals, Everyone is connected and sharing ideas on what they will do with their 200k project.

There will just be less of us, but, you also probably won't notice this at all.

All we need now is for 4 Billion people to volunteer for suicide, but I'm not gonna sign up for that. I WILL, however throw my all into helping my 1 child be as impactful as possible on our future.